The Philosophy
For a long time, I thought being feminine was something you could see. What I eventually learned was that looking feminine and actually being connected to your femininity are two completely different things.
What It Is
I loved clothes, heels, perfume, getting dressed and taking care of my appearance, so naturally I thought I was feminine. What I eventually learned was that looking feminine and actually being connected to your femininity are two completely different things.
It’s part of what God gave you naturally and how you were created. It’s in the way you love, nurture and care. It’s your vulnerability, your receptivity, your intuition and the depth of what you feel. It’s your softness and your ability to create, build, support and bring life to the people and places around you.
What We Reduced It To
We made femininity pink, dresses, heels, makeup, soft voices and looking the part. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things. I happen to love many of them.
But a woman can look beautifully feminine and still spend her entire life operating from a place of control, constant doing, fixing, carrying and figuring everything out for herself. I know because that was me.
On Being Called Strong
I have a complicated relationship with that word because I spent years being the strong woman. People meant it as a compliment, and for a long time I received it as one.
But eventually I started looking at what being strong actually required of me. It usually meant I could handle more. I could tolerate more. I didn’t need much. I would figure it out. I would keep going.
Everybody could depend on me, and nobody had to worry too much about whether I had anyone to depend on.
I’m not saying women aren’t strong. Of course we are. I’m questioning why we’ve made a woman’s ability to carry an extraordinary amount of weight something she should aspire to.
And It Isn’t Weakness
Why is needing less considered admirable? Why do we celebrate how much a woman can endure instead of asking why she has been required to endure so much in the first place?
I don’t believe becoming more feminine means becoming helpless, incapable, dependent or waiting for somebody to rescue you. Even when I look at scripture, that isn’t the woman I see. The Proverbs 31 woman is wise, industrious and business-minded. She handles business and she has dignity.
Scripture also speaks about gentleness and a peaceful spirit. Those qualities can exist in the same woman without her having to spend her life proving how much she can carry.
Just because this is how you’ve had to function doesn’t mean this is how you have to function forever.
What It Costs
I know there’s a woman reading this thinking, that sounds good, but I have responsibilities. I have children. I have a career. People depend on me. Things still have to get done. I understand.
For me, changing it started with changing what I believed. I had to stop seeing asking for help as weakness before I could become comfortable asking. I had to stop believing rest was something I earned after everything was done, because everything was never going to be done.
You can become so used to doing and giving that receiving makes you uncomfortable. You can feel guilty sitting down when there is still something that needs to be done. You can have people all around you who love you and still not know how to tell them you need something.
My life didn’t magically change first. I changed how I saw my role in it, and that changed what I was willing to carry.
What I Believe
That is the woman I created Regain Femininity for. Not because I think there is something wrong with her. I know exactly how she became this woman, because I became her too.
I believe you can put things down. I believe you can ask for help and expect support. I believe you can receive without feeling guilty about what you owe in return. I believe you can rest before your body forces you to. I believe you can stop making your ability to endure the measure of how well you’re doing in life.
In Short
That is what regaining your femininity means to me.