For most of my life, I was the one who handled everything. I became dependable. Ol’ Reliable. And people knew it.
Meet Tameka
I grew up without my father, so I learned early how to figure things out for myself. There wasn’t always someone there protecting me, providing for me, or asking what I needed. I became independent because I had to.
I was the one you called when something went wrong. I could help you figure out your problem, talk you through your situation, pick up the pieces, and somehow still handle everything happening in my own life.
The truth was, I didn’t know how to ask for help. I wasn’t very good at receiving it either. I could show up for everybody else without thinking twice, but when it came to my own needs, I didn’t always know what they were.
What I Carried
Maybe you know exactly what I mean. Maybe you’re the mother everybody needs, the woman running the business or building the career, the dependable friend, the daughter everybody depends on, the matriarch of the family.
You’re the one making the decisions, remembering what needs to be done, fixing what went wrong, and checking on everybody else. I know that woman because I was her.
What I Believed
I loved being a woman. I loved beauty, clothes, perfume, getting dressed, and taking care of my appearance. If you had asked me whether I was feminine, I probably would have looked at you like the answer was obvious.
But femininity is not an aesthetic. It is a way of being. Underneath everything that looked feminine about me was a woman functioning from a very masculine place. I was always doing, figuring something out, fixing something, or carrying something.
That followed me into my relationships too. I was the fixer there too. I carried emotional weight, made allowances, gave more than I should have, while my own needs sat on the back burner. The hardest part was admitting I had helped create it.
I kept coming back to one uncomfortable truth. I was the common denominator.
The Questions I Asked
Why was I so comfortable being needed but uncomfortable needing anyone? Those questions led me somewhere deeper than relationships. I started looking at the woman I had become, and how much of her had been created by what my childhood, my family, and my environment required of me.
I didn’t need to become less capable. I needed access to more of myself.
What Changed
I started paying attention to the places where I automatically stepped in, took over, fixed things, or put myself last. I learned to ask for help and let someone actually help me. I learned that receiving didn’t make me weak or indebted. I stopped treating rest like something I had to earn.
And I started asking myself a question I had spent years asking everyone around me. My life began to feel different because I was different inside of it. I made room for my needs. I became intentional about my relationships and the environments I allowed myself to live in.
What changed most wasn’t who came into my life. It was the woman who was there to meet him.
Why I Created This
I didn’t create Regain Femininity to teach you how to look feminine. I created it because I know what can happen when you become so accustomed to carrying everything that you become disconnected from parts of yourself.
Your softness. Your intuition. Your receptivity. Your sensuality. Your ability to receive, nurture, create, and actually experience your life instead of spending all of it managing one.
With Love
Tameka B.
Founder, Regain Femininity
Feminine Reinvention Strategist